We believed the lie ” you can’t get pregnant if you breast feed” and naively and moronically took the ” if it happens it happens and it will be fine” approach to birth control. THAT’S how we got here. Listen carefully, it WILL happen and it most definitely will NOT be fine. At least not for a good long while anyway.
When my husband and I got married ( we will call him Jay) we talked about having more kids. I had a 4 year old son from a previous relationship who had spent the entirety of his short life attempting to put me in an early grave. So, I would have been more than fine if my new husband didn’t want more children. But, he did want more children. TWO more. That was all well and fine, 2 more or 10 more, I just wanted to be done having babies by my 30th birthday. I never in a million years thought we’d have two babies in two years and my womb would officially close up shop by my 29th birthday.
I remember the day we found out we were going to be welcoming our third and final baby boy. It was a cold, snowy Monday in January (the best kind). Jay was preparing to leave for work. He would be gone for 80 days. We had spent the weekend at Great Wolf Lodge with family. We had come home Sunday night and went straight to my brother in law’s birthday party. I drank almost and ENTIRE bottle of wine.( I had just come home from “vacation” with 6 year old and a 4 month old, give me a break) As we were preparing for my husband’s trip I happened to pull up the calendar…. and realized….I was late. Several days late. Had Jay not have been leaving I would have dismissed it but I did not want to have the ” hey I know we just had a baby 4 months ago but, uh, I’m pregnant again” talk with him from across the world. I decided to take a pregnancy test just in case. It was positive IMMEDIATELY. Cue the hysterics. Number 2 was 4 MONTHS OLD. I also had a TON to drink the night before and broke down in tears screaming” I DRANK A WHOLE BOTTLE OF WINE LAST NIGHT AND I PROBABLY PICKLED HIS BRAIN”……..admittedly I’m terrible in high stress situations. But Number 3 is here and whole and I did not, in fact, pickle his brain. He’s perfect and beautiful and I couldn’t imagine life without him. Though he is almost two and still only communicating through sign language so I guess technically the jury could still be out on the brain pickling. Jay had a vasectomy three weeks after Number 3 was born. Know better, do better. We are done (God willing) with that chapter of our lives.
So here we are. Three boys, two dogs, three cats, and 6 chickens later. Some days I feel like I can barely keep my head above water. I. Am. So. Tired. I feel it in my soul. I know someday I will look back and miss having them need so much of me. But it’s hard to imagine on the days when the screaming and bickering are deafening. On days when Number 2 takes a number 2 in Number 1’s bedroom floor because potty training is a disastrous nightmare that is ruining my life. On days like those I will lock my self in the bathroom chanting ” I love my job” while eating Number 2’s potty candy. ‘Cause, at the rate he’s going, he will be lucky to be potty trained by the time he’s 5.
Mama's Tired 